Aysan Sev er, Ph.D. Derleyici (Editor) Sara Bilge Caglar Dis Kapak (Cover) Aysan Sev er Ic Turk Motifleri (Turkish Designs for Sections)

Aysan Sev er, Ph.D. Derleyici (Editor) Sara Bilge Caglar Dis Kapak (Cover) Aysan Sev er Ic Turk Motifleri (Turkish Designs for Sections)

Bu antolojiyi sevgili babam Ahmet Hakki Sev er e, biricik annem Saffet Sev er e ve butun hasretlik ceken anne, baba, kardes, evlat ve sevgililere ithaf ediyorum. (I dedicate this collection to my beloved father Ahmet Hakki Sev er, my cherished mother Saffet Sev er and all other mothers, fathers, siblings, sons, daughters and lovers who have to live far away from their loved ones.)

TESEKKUR (ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS) Bu antolojiyi derlemek hem cok duygulu, hem de cok zaman tuketen bir proje oldu. Ne var ki, beni bu gorevi ustlenmeye tesvik eden Turk arkadaslarima binlerce tesekkur borcluyum. Ictenlikle siirlerini benimle ve butun okuyucularimla paylasan sair arkadas ve dostlarima da kucak dolusu tesekkurler. Antolojimizin kapagini yaratan degerli ressam Sara Bilge Caglar a da tesekkur borcluyum. Siirlerin kisacik Ingilizce (veya Turkce) ozetlerini eklemek sevgili arkadaslarim Vappu ve Allen Tyyska nin fikri idi, zannederim cok iyi oldu. Tesekkurler, Vappu ve Allen. Radyomuzda bu antoloji icin bikmadan, usanmadan cagiri yapan sevgili Radyo Merhaba gonullulerine de tesekkurler ederim. Onlarin yardimi olmadan, bu kadar cesitli bir derleme yapmam mumkun olamazdi. Son olarak, en derin sevgim ve tesekkurlerim de iyi niyetleri, durmak bilmez caliskanliklari ve acik keseleri ile Turk Cemiyetimizin altin kalpli bir cifti olmaya devam eden Gorsev ve Fred Pristine e. Tesekkurler, binlerce tesekkurler! Although it was quite an emotionally laden and time-consuming project, I am exceptionally grateful for the Turkish Community for encouraging me to serve as the editor of this anthology. I thank each and every one of the contributors for sharing their innermost feelings and thoughts with me and with my readers. I am grateful for our reknown painter Sara Bilge Caglar for creating the unique cover for this collection. I also thank my dear friends Vappu and Allen Tyyska for suggesting the inclusion of either a Turkish or an English summary of each poem. I think, this idea will work well in making this collection available for a larger audience. I also want to express my gratitude for Radyo Merhaba volunteers who tiredlessly read the call for participitation in this collection. Without their help, I could not have reached such a diverse pool of creativity and emotion. Last but not least, my deepest thanks and appreciation go to Gorsev and Fred Pristine whose generosity of heart toward the Turkish Community is legendary.

DERLEMEYE KATILAN SAIRLER* (CONTRIBUTING POETS) Vecihe Buyukaksoy Sara Bilge Caglar Mehmet Sander Calisal Nezihe Dubrovac Ulya Erkman Berjouhy Demirdji Erten Saniye Gurses Bora Hincer Aynur Ilkay Ali Ince Susan Kantrowitz-Akrish Hulya Oyman Nurcan Okem Sevim Onen Ihsan Pala Fadime Sarikaya Ahmet Hakki Sev er Aysan Sev er Saffet Sev er Nilufer Turkvan Sabri Unsal Soyadlar ve adlar alfabe sirasina gore listelenmistir (Listed in alphabetical order of the last and the first names)

ICINDEKILER (CONTENTS) I. SEVGI VE OZLEM SIIRLERIMIZ (POEMS OF LOVE AND LONGING FOR THE BELOVED) 1. UZAKLASIRSIN (YOU GET AWAY) AHMET HAKKI SEV ER 2. GIDIYORUM (AS I AM LEAVING) SAFFET SEV ER 3. COCUKLUGUMUN ANNESI (THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDHOOD) AYSAN SEV ER 4. BABAM A (TO MY FATHER) AYSAN SEV ER 5. AN ODE TO MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS (ANNE VE KIZLARINA AGIT) AYSAN SEV ER 6. TEBRIK (BIRTHDAY CONGRATULATIONS) SAFFET SEV ER 7. ANNELER GUNU (MOTHER S DAY) BORA HINCER 8. ADIM ADIM ARADIM (STEP-BY-STEP SEARCH) AYNUR ILKAY 9. ELVEDA HALUK (GOODBYE HALUK) SARA BILGE CAGLAR 10. RUYA (THE DREAM) IHSAN PALA 11. ARADIGIM SES (THE VOICE I AM LOOKING FOR) NURCAN OKEM 12. YAGMURLA GELEN ADAM (A MAN WHO CAME WITH THE RAIN) SANIYE GURSES 13. ANAM A (TO MY MOTHER) FADIME SARIKAYA II MEMLEKETIMIZ (OUR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN) 1. HOS GELDINIZ (WELCOME) VECIHE BUYUKAKSOY 2. ISTANBUL (1) ULYA ERKMAN 3. ISTANBUL (2) HULYA OYMAN 4. ISTANBUL (3) NURCAN OKEM

5. ESKI SEVGILI (THE ANCIENT LOVER) HULYA OYMAN 5. HISAR DA (AT HISAR) MEHMET SANDER CALISAL 6. VATAN TOPRAGI (THE SOIL OF THE HOMELAND) ULYA ERKMAN 7. SONBAHAR KOKUSU (AROMA OF THE AUTUMN) HULYA OYMAN 8. AKDENIZ (THE MEDITERRANEAN) SARA BILGE CAGLAR 9. THE BLACK SEA COAST (KARADENIZ SAHILI) NEZIHE DUBROVAC 10. MARMARA (THE SEA OF MARMARA) NEZIHE DUBROVAC 11. VATANIM (MY HOMELAND) NEZIHE DUBROVAC 12. SILAM (MY HOME) ALI INCE 13. ESKI MAHALLE (THE OLD NEIGHBOURHOOD) AYNUR ILKAY 14. HATIRALAR (MEMORIES) IHSAN PALA III IKI DUNYA: ESKI VE YENI (TWO WORLDS: THE OLD AND THE NEW) 1. SUSUZ (PARCHED) SEVIM ONEN 2. BIR SEHIR (A CITY) ULYA ERKMAN 3. BAHAR (SPRING) AYNUR ILKAY 4. BAHAR ANILARI (MEMORIES OF SPRING) MEHMET SANDER CALISAL 5. LAND OF DISPOSABLES (ATILABILECEKLER ULKESI) AYSAN SEV ER 6. WHITE CHRISTMAS (BEYAZ NOEL) AYSAN SEV ER IV CIFTE SADAKAT VE KENARDA KALMA (DOUBLE LOYALTY AND MARGINALIZATION) 1. YABAN (ABERRANT) SEVIM ONEN 2. IKI CAMI ARASINDA (BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE)

VECIHE BUYUKAKSOY 3. GURBET (EXILE) SEVIM ONEN 4. BAYRAK (THE FLAG) ULYA ERKMAN 5. AYNADA SORULAR (QUESTIONS AT THE MIRROR) MEHMET SANDER CALISAL 6. MULTECI (REFUGEE) BORA HINCER 7. BEN NERELIYIM? (WHERE DO I BELONG?) AYSAN SEV ER 8. BIR DOST (A FRIEND) ALI INCE V GOC VE GOCMENLIK (IMMIGRATION AND BEING AN IMMIGRANT) 1. GOCMEN KUSLAR (IMMIGRANT BIRDS) VECIHE BUYUKAKSOY 2. GOCEN KADIN (THE IMMIGRATING WOMAN) AYSAN SEV ER 3. THE OLD STATION HOUSE (ESKI TREN ISTASYONU) AYSAN SEV ER 4. NEDEN? (WHY?) NILUFER TURKVAN 5. VATAN HASRETI (LONGING FOR THE HOMELAND) NILUFER TURKVAN 6. CICEK (THE FLOWER) NURCAN OKEM 7. TALIH (FATE) FADIME SARIKAYA 8. UC ARKADAS (THREE FRIENDS) SANIYE GURSES 9. ISTANBUL DAN AYRILIRKEN (DEPARTING FROM ISTANBUL) NEZIHE DUBROVAC) 10. YALNIZLIK (LONELINESS) BERJOUHY DEMIRDJI ERTEN 11. RUYA SEYAHAT (THE DREAM VACATION) SABRI UNSAL VI BUTUNLESME (BELONGING) 1. SILA (HOMELAND) SEVIM ONEN

2. LONELINESS (YALNIZLIK) HULYA OYMAN 3. DINGILDEYEN TASLAR (THE STONES THAT JOSTLE) AYNUR ILKAY 4. HASRETI CEKEN BILIR (THOSE WHO YEARN KNOW WHAT YEARNING MEANS) NILUFER TURKVAN 5. INVITATION (DAVET) HULYA OYMAN 6. ALONE (YALNIZ) SUSAN KANTROWITZ-AKRISH 7. BOYUYORUM (AS I AM PAINTING) MEHMET SANDER CALISAL 8. MAVI BULUTLAR (BLUE CLOUDS) SARA BILGE CAGLAR VII MEMLEKETIMDEN INSAN MANZARALARI (PORTRAITS OF PEOPLE FROM OUR HOMELAND) 1. TEPEDEKI KAHVE (THE COFFEE HOUSE OVER THE HILL) VECIHE BUYUKAKSOY 2. AHMET IHSAN PALA 3. KAR (SNOW) AHMET HAKKI SEV ER

GOCMEN RUHUNA ACILAN PENCERELER Bu Antolojiye Katilan Sair Dostlarim, Cok Degerli Okuyucularim: Ayricaliklarla dolu olarak surdurdugumuz hayatimizda bir carpici benzerlik varsa, o da bir vatandan bir vatana gocmenin yarattigi ruhsal beraberlik olmali. Kadin, erkek, genc, ihtiyar, cocuk, her kim olursak olalim, her birimiz bazan anamizi, babamizi, dostumuzu, komsumuzu, bazan evladimizi, hic olmazsa vatan topragimizi cok gerilerde biraktik. Bu ana vatanimizdan cok irak olan dunyada, yuvasindan dusmus kuslar gibi kucuk, narin ve korumasiz insanlariz. Kartal yavrusu bile olsak, serce yavrusu bile olsak, yuvamizdan uzak, her gun bir yeni yasama cabasi veren kuslariz. Boyle kuvvetli duygularin pekisdigi bir ortamda, hic sasmadim ki benim gibi siirler karaliyan dostlarim da cokmus. Suphesiz, hic birimiz belki bir Nazim, bir Orhan Veli, bir Yasar Kemal veya Bedri Rahmi degiliz. Gayemiz ne Karacaoglani asmak, neyunus a erismek. Ama butun kalbimle inaniyorum ki, en az onlar kadar duygulu, onlar kadar ozlemli, onlar kadar asil, onlar kadar Turk, onlar kadar cocuk ve buyuk, onlar kadar sevgi dolu, onlar kadar sevgiye hasret, onlar kadar dalgin ve dusunceliyiz. Satirlarimizda yeni vatanimizin sevgisi oldugu kadar, eski vatanimizin ozlemi, yeni yasantimizin gercekleri oldugu kadar eski yasantimizin bizi buyuleyen anilari, benzerligimiz, ayricaligimiz, dostlugumuz, arkadasligimiz gibi binbir cesit birbirine kilitlenmis hisler var. Benim gayem bu hisleri ayirmak, mikroskop altina sokup incelemek degil. Benim gayem bu coskun, bazan sasirtici, cok zaman dusundurucu duygularimizi, renk renk ciceklerden olusmus bir demet gibi derlemek. Her zaman oldugu gibi, alcak gonulluluk ve sonsuz bir comertlikle toplulugumuza kucagini ve kesesini ardina kadar acan Pristine lere de binlerce, milyonlarca tesekkurler borcluyum. Onlarsiz, pek cok proje gibi, bu proje de hic bir zaman gerceklesemezdi. Gorsev ve Fred, sizler Turk toplulugumuzun degerli mucevherlerisiniz, var olun. Once, siirleri secmeyi, daha guzellerini antolojiye katip, daha az guzel olanlarini bu kipabin disinda birakmayi dusundum. Fakat, cok cabuk bu fikirden vaz gectim. Fikrimi degistirmemin iki sebebi var. Birincisi, gercekten bu antolojiyi bir edebiyat katkisi olarak degil de bir gocmenlik katkisi olarak gormem. Yani, bu gorus icinde, siir sadece bir formul oluyor bir netice degil. Gaye, edebiyat ustaligimizi gostermek icin siir toplamak degildi. Ikinci sebep ise siirlerini bana gonderenlerin samimi, acik, hasret dolu sozcukleri. Boyle bir coskun ozlem onunde, kendimde bu guzel, bu daha az guzel diye secim yapacak yasal bir hak goremedim dogrusu. Umarim, sizler de bu siirleri, ustatlik ve kusursuzluk aramak yerine, gocmenlik hislerini hissederek, anlayarak, yasayarak okuyun. Ismini Gocmen Ruhuna Acilan Pencereler/ Windows to an Immigrant s Soul koydugum antolojimize hos geldiniz. Siirlerini buyuk bir comertlikle benimle, sizlerle paylasan her katilimciya da binlerce tesekkurler borcluyum. Onlarin, kusursuz kafiye ile olmasa da, ictenlikle yazilmis satirlari, bu antolojiyi sadece benim degil de hepimizin bir parcasi yapacak. Yapraklari cevirdikce, gocmenlik, sila hasreti, aile, sevgi hakkinda siirler karsiniza cikacak. Bazan umit, heyecan ve mutluluk dolu seslerin yaninda, bazan gozlerinizi nemlendiren, icinizi buran, basinizi dumanlandiran yalnizlik, uyum guclugu, ayrilik, yakici hasret gibi carpici hisler ile karsilasacaksiniz. Sanirim, hepimiz, zaman zaman bu kutupsal hislerin sahipleri olmusuzdur. Umarim, coskularimiza oldugu kadar sorunlarimiza, ozlemlerimize ve hasretlerimize sizler de katilin. Siirlerimizde sizler de kendinizden parcalar bulun. Anilarimiz sizlerin de anilarinizi

cagirsin. Buradaki satirlarda kendinizin olmasa bile, tanidiklarinizin, bildiklerinizin yansisini gorun, burada yer alan sairlerimizle gulun, onlarla goz yaslarinizi paylasin. Dilerim ki burada okuyacaginiz satirlarda, yeniden kabaran bir sevgi ve yeniden kukreyen bir gurur bulun. Antolojimizi, benim icin butun dunyalardan daha degerli iki siir ile acmak istiyorum. Birincisi, sevgili babam Ahmet Hakki Sev er in benim icin yazdigi bir ozlem siiri. Butun omrunce alni apacik, basi dimdik olan asker babam, vatan hizmeti yaptigi nice seneler sevgili esinden, tapar gibi sevdigi iki kizindan ayri yasadi. Ikinci siir, sevgili annem Saffet Sev er in, 1994 senesinde Toronto dan Istanbul a donerken yazdigi ve sicacik goz yaslarimizla veda ettigimiz sabah, titreyen elleri ile elime tutusturdugu bir siir. Buyuk ihtimalle sizlerin ailelerinizde de oldugu gibi, benim ailem de pek cok yillardir ayrilik ve sonu gelmek bilmeyen ozlemlerle kirbaclanmakta. Once mektup, otobus ve trenler, daha sonradan telefon ve ucaklar, bizleri birbirimize baglayan ibrisim iplikler gibi hayatimizin orgusunun parcalari oldu. Eminim sizlerin benliginizin en derin koselerinde de, ayrilmak, kavusmak ve sonsuz ozlem temalari, kalplerinizin uzerine kaligrafi gibi islenmistir. Iste, bu antoloji boyle kaligrafilerden olusmus rengarenk bir demet. Antolojimize hos geldiniz, saygi deger, sevgi deger okuyucularim. Burada degisik agizlardan, degisik kalemlerden soylestigimiz hislerimiz hepinize hediye olsun. Aysan Sev er Toronto, Eylul 6, 2000

WINDOWS TO AN IMMIGRANT S SOUL Dear contributors and readers, Migration and immigration are neither new nor exclusive to the Turkish-Canadian community. Probably since the beginning of time, for reasons which may have ranged from wars, famine, floods, religious pilgrimages, economic conquests or imperialistic aspirations, people have moved vast distances, leaving blood and kin behind. Nevertheless, I think the immigration theme is particularly sensitive for the Turkish Canadians for a variety reasons. Some of these reasons are external to the immigrants themselves, and emanate from the structure of the society. First, Turks form a very small minority in Canada, and thus may have a more difficult time to blend into the host society. Social scholars often refer to this phenomenon as the institutional incompleteness. Second, whether we like it or not, there is prejudice and even discrimination against a number of groups in Canada. Although not necessarily overtly targeted, there are occasions when Turks are made to feel less than understood and even less than welcome. Third, the existence of many bloody conflicts in the Turkish/Ottoman history and the relentless commitment of some groups that are primarily outside but sometimes even inside the Turkish community to keep these tensions alive, hinder feelings of closure, resolution and a smooth adjustment. Running back to an existence in Turkey often becomes attractive because it avoids, once and for all, the endless challenges and possibility of confrontations in trying to fit into the Canadian multicultural panorama. Other factors that make a Turkish immigrant s life particularly difficult and thus increase his or her yearning for the homeland are internal. For example, in general, Turks are socialized in a way which makes their connection to their homeland and family most likely to be the most important connection they would ever have for as long as they live. This socialization pattern is often a point of discomfort within North American norms and values that emphasize an almost hedonistic individuality as opposed to the value of the collectivity. Moreover, the vast distance that separates Canada from mainland Turkey is indeed something to be reckoned with. Even if one is affluent (and this is a big if because most immigrants do not start as affluent in the beginning, some never reach affluence throughout their working lives), the time, energy and the commitment the travel requires is taxing. Moreover, younger pairs are restricted by their young families and children and older ones may be restricted by health and economic concerns. Whatever the case may be, we the Turkish immigrants, live, work and love in divided worlds; being a part of each, but rarely feeling the satisfaction of a complete whole. The ideological and practical work habits also confuse the Turkish immigrants. For one, the immigration process will most likely deskill them. For example, our doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc., find themselves fall totally outside of the professions they have sacrificed years of their lives for. The alienation such a deskilling process creates is gargantuan. Secondly, although the work ethic of most Turkish immigrants is likely to be high, Turks often find the capitalist production and decision making styles of their host country quite ruthless. To their horror and despite the counterbalancing power of unions, etc., immigrants quickly learn that there is really not much job security in North America, and one sided loyalties they feel toward their jobs may often become a heavy burden since the loyalty is not reciprocated by the employers. The concepts of pride and honour which govern almost all relationships in the East are also diabolically different from their meaning and practice in the West. Friendships are

more guarded and a lot more shallow in the new world where the most valuable commodity is time and the ultimate goals are tangible rather than affectional. Thus, the Turkish immigrants go through a roller-coaster ride of strong emotions, and the ride lasts for years if not decades. The poems in this anthology are a collection of feelings about distances, yearning for family, friends and the land, wounded loves and divided loyalties. Sometimes, there is joy and celebration of being part of the two worlds, but more often than not, there is an urge to compare, a need to question and an overwhelming yearning for the other life we all left behind. The experiences of the first generation immigrants are like trials where the immigrant stands accused. The loved ones who are left behind often feel strong emotions of their own, ranging from resentment to yearning to helplessness. Thus, this anthology is an attempt to capture different snapshots from the continuum of joys and sorrows of being in but not of our host land and being of but not in the land we all came from. This anthology attests to the hidden costs and sacrifices of being an immigrant superimposed on the overt joys of having found a beautiful new country to call our own. In the panorama of double-edged feelings, Have I done the right thing? Should I go back? Should I stay? become haunting questions. At first, my intention was to rank order the poems in terms of their literary strength and adequacy, and include only those which met a well-defined literary criteria. Nevertheless, once I started receiving the poems, I felt that I did not have the legitimacy to reject any of these poems. After all, this anthology is not a collection of literary poetic achievements, but a collection of the sincere emotions, feelings, thoughts and yearnings of the contributors. These feelings just happen to be expressed in a poetic format. Personally, I fell in love with each and every poem for the latter reason. I hope that my readers will also read the following contributions for the sincerity and the purity of the feelings they capture rather than trying to judge them only on their literary style and merit. Finally, I thank Gorsev and Fred Pristine for their warm dedication and exceptional generosity toward the Turkish Community in general and toward this project in particular. Fred and Gorsev, you are two precious souls in our community. In their names as well as the editor of this collection, in my own name, I welcome you to an emotionally laden feast. Please, join each poet in her or his quest to carve out a life and an emotional space in the comedy or drama of her/his displacement. I am sure, each one of you will find something that makes you smile, laugh, sigh or even shed a few tears in the thoughtful and transparent verses that follow. Aysan Sev er Toronto, September 8, 2000

SEVGI VE OZLEM SIIRLERIMIZ (POEMS OF LOVE AND LONGING FOR THE BELOVED)

UZAKLASIRSIN (YOU GET AWAY) Ruyalarim isil isil seninle dolu, Baba der, gule gule gelir, Adim adim yaklasirsin. Tutmak, bagrima basmak isterim, Kollarim boslukta kalir Ve bir anda uzaklasirsin. Gozlerim yasarir, her sey seni hatirlatir, Aramamak, anmamak kabil mi? Niye? Beklerim Kuzeyden essin de ruzgar Bir yudum kokunu getirsin diye. Bir kutsal cirpinis, ve bir dilek, Serinde ilik, sogukta sicak Bir omur boyu, diledigin kadar Bu kucak sana acilacak. Icim icime sigmaz, Her gun cogalir acilar Ballim, gugusum, gulum Senden baska kiymet verecek kimim var? Ruyalarim isil isil seninle dolu, Baba der, gule gule gelir Adim adim yaklasirsin. Tutmak, bagrima basmak isterim Kollarim boslukta kalir Ve bir anda uzaklasirsin. Ahmet Hakki Sev er Aksehir, 14 Subat (February), 1958 While stationed in Aksehir s Army Barracks, Ahmet Hakki Sev er wrote this poem for his little daughter. The poem is full of love, devotion and yearning for the little girl who had to stay miles away from her beloved father s military duties. Sev er s dreams are visited by his little girl, but each time when he reaches out to embrace her, the illusion is broken and she disappears.

GIDIYORUM (AS I AM LEAVING) Yas yetmis-uc, az degil, Olum bana yasamdan cok daha yakin, Bu gelisim sonsa da, aglama sakin. Sizlerle yasadigim guzel gunleri Arkaniza kalmadan bitirebilirsem eger, Inan ki benim icin, bin yila deger. Sevginizi kaybedip, yuk olmaktansa bir an, Tanridan yakarisim, alsin canimi heman! Aysan im, canim yavrum, kaderimiz bu imis, Dunyanin bir ucundan bir ucuna savrulmak, Bir omur, mektubunu bekleyerek avunmak. Mutlu ettin, mutlu ol, sevgin sonsuza dek benimle, Annenim, elim acip dualarimi dinle, Gidiyorum, ne cikar, kalbim her an seninle. Saffet Sev er Toronto, 7 Agustos (August), 1994 Saffet Sev er expresses her gratitude for the good times she has had in Toronto with her beloved daughter. Touching upon her advancing years and the probability that this may indeed be her very last trip to Toronto, Sev er acknowledges the power of fate which has forced her to live worlds apart from her daughter. Nevertheless, she comforts her daughter by stating that she is leaving with warmth, satisfaction and eternal love.

COCUKLUGUMUN ANNESI (THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDHOOD) Ben cocuktum, sen buyuk Sirtin dimdik Gozlerin komurden siyah Dislerin birer inci Saclarin kestane. Kucagin gunesten sicak Tenin kar beyaz, yumusak Sesin puruzsuz, kahkahan bulasici Alnin acik, gorusun parlak Cocuk gonlum dolup tasardi sevginle. Simdi ben buyugum, sen cocuk Sirtin biraz bukuk Dislerin artik discilerin elinde Saclarin sarimsi, grimsi bir ak Gozlerin siyah degil de koyumsu bir renk Kucagin hala acik, ama kollarin zayif ve ince Tenin cizilmis yillarin surtusuyle Sesin hafif cikiyor, kahkahan artik cinlatmiyor kulaklarimi Alnin hala acik ama gorusun bakmiyor ileriye Korkma annem, kalbim hala carpiyor sevginle. Gunler geciyor annem, sen yaslaniyorsun Ben yaslaniyorum annem. Hala, cocukca, bencilce Sevgin beni sarsin istiyorum hergun Sevgim seni sarsin, hic birakmasin istiyorum Her gunun, her yilin bana en buyuk hediye. Komur gozlerini aramiyorum, yeter ki gozlerin bana baksin, Puruzsuz sesini aramiyorum, yeter ki sesin hala kulagimi oksasin. Kar beyaz tenini aramiyorum, kirisiklarin da cok guzel, Dimdik sirtini aramiyorum, incecik kollarin bana yeter. Cocuklugumun, gencligimin, Iyi gunumun, kotu gunumun annesisin, annem Sana olan sevgim sonsuz, Bana olan sevgin bir omur yeter. Toronto, 5 Ekim (October), 2000 Aysan Sev er With fondness, Aysan Sev er recalls the strength and beauty of her mother when she was a child. Reluctantly, she observes the toll the passage of years has taken on her mother. Her mother now

has graying hair, wrinkled skin, a bent back and fragile arms. Nevertheless, the passage of time has only deepened the love Sev er feels toward her ageing mother. She still finds an inner strength in her mother s ever so fragile existence in her life.

BABAMA (TO MY FATHER) Gecelerden korkuyorum, sen gideli Uyku bana ulasilmaz geliyor Terliklerinin sesini ariyorum, karanligi yararken Yahut da, kesik oksuruklerini Bitmeyen saatler boyunca. Gunduzleri, artik soylemedigim bir kelime var ki Tum omrumu verirdim bir kerecik daha Sana soyliyebilmek icin, Karanliklara fisildiyorum geceleri Olur da, duyarsin umuduyla. Sonra, ceviriyorum yastigin kuru yanini Yumuyorum gozlerimi sikica, Bekliyorum, ruyalarimi sana birakip Ama bana yetmiyor bu kadarcik, Seni hep yanimda ariyorum, baba! Gitmene uzulmuyorum fazla, her zaman giderdin, Fakat donmemek var miydi anlasmamizda? Sicacik kucagina muhtacim, her gunden fazla Yoklugunun acisi cok artti, yetisir, Don artik bana, goz yaslarimi dindir. Aysan Sev er Istanbul, 1966 This eulogy is written shortly after Ahmet Hakki Sev er s untimely death in 1996. Aysan Sev er misses the sound of her father s cough and the clicking of his slippers in the dark. Most of all, she misses the opportunity to pronounce the word dad. She is not sorry that her father is gone, he used to be away for many times before. She is deeply sorry that this time, her father is never coming back.

TEBRIK (BIRTHDAY CONGRATULATIONS) Bu gonul sana ucup, tebrik etmek yasini Dinlendirmek gogsunde, yorgun olan basini diliyorken, ne yazik, onunde binbir engel sahlanmakda; karsi gelemez, soner, erir bu emel. Fakat yilmaz, beklemek arzusunu kirbaclar, Bu gun degilse, yarin! Hayat tap-taze baslar. Hasretler giderilip, sana kavustugum an, tatli, sarhosluk gibi, anilir arta kalan. Bu gunler gelip gecer, daim olan sevgindir, Kursunu cabuk bitir, hasretimi kos, dindir. Bak, bir yasin daha doldu, ne uzun ayriliklar, Gozumde nurlu basin, sanki acmis bir bahar Daha bircok seneler, evlatlarindan kam al, Yasin doksani bulsun, kendin dinc ve saglam kal. Hediyemi kabul et, gonlum musterih olsun, Yalniz gecen 5 Mart i, satirlarim doldursun. Saffet Sev er Istanbul, 1952 In this touching symbolic birthday gift from a distance, Saffet Sev er expresses her love, respect and longing for her friend, confidant, protector, father of her children and husband. She reminds him as well as herself that soon they will be rejoined. She hopes, in the mean time, that her verses will fill the loneliness of his birthday. Soon, she promises, they will start anew and will reminisce about the days spent apart.

ANNELER GUNU (MOTHER S DAY) Bugun her yastan cocuklar Annelerine sevgi dolu, Sicacik sozler soyleyecekler. Siki siki sarilip, Yanaklarini, ellerini opecekler, annelerinin. Kimisi pirlanta yuzuk, Kimisi kirlardan topladigi bir demet cicek verecek. Ben ise gozlerimi kapayip Hayalimde canlandiracagim seni, annecigim. O guzel yuzunu gorecegim Yanimda imissin gibi. Uzanip, dizlerine koyacagim basimi. Konusmamiza hic gerek yok, Gozlerimizden anlayacagiz birbirimizi. Yine dogruyu, iyiyi, guzeli soyleyeceksin sessiz. Aramizda okyanuslar var belki Ama iste simdi hissettim seni yanibasimda. Sen de beni dusunuyorsun eminim su anda. Bora Hincer Kingston, Mayis (May), 1985 On the Mother s Day, when people of all ages are cheerfully bringing gifts to their mothers, Bora Hincer solemnly remembers his mother from thousands of miles away. Despite the distances, he feels his mother s presence beside him and feels her thoughts without need for words. Hincer attributes this extraordinary connectiveness to the fact that his mother must also be thinking about him.

AN ODE TO MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS (ANNE VE KIZLARINA AGIT) Our mothers loved us, Just like their mothers have loved them. Our mothers sheltered us from all harm, all the bitterness of this world. Our mothers laughed with us, cried with us, Our mothers wiped away our tears. Our mothers wanted us to stay next to them, Day after day, week after week, year after year. It was tempting to stay, Wrapped in their love, wrapped in their warmth, In the blissful state of interdependence, Just like their mothers had wished for, long long ago. But, we grew up, grew our own wings, We wanted to explore, we wanted to test our boundaries. We had our own hopes, our own dreams. Our newly born wings carried us far and wide, Scattered us across the mountains, across the seas. Just like a magnificent albatross, we flapped with vigour, Just this much more distance, just this other hurdle, We were ecstatic, we were drunk with our newly found freedom, Sometimes, we got crushed under the weight of our own decisions. Yet we flew away, whirling, dancing, laughing, While our mothers waited in our now empty rooms, While our mothers waited, hoped and loved. We are the mothers now, you are the beloved daughters, It is your turn to try your magnificent wings, It is your turn to chase your hopes, your aspirations, your dreams. It is our turn to waive good-bye. We wish you well, the children from our bodies, We wish you well, the children of our souls. It is our turn to gingerly dust the toys left behind in your rooms, It is our turn to wait, hope and love. Because, yesterday, we were you. Because, tomorrow, you will be us. Aysan Sev er Toronto, 8 October (Ekim), 1998 Aysan Sev er in anneler ve kiz evlatlara adadigi bu agitta, bir kez daha ayrilik temasi isleniyor. Buyuyen, gelisen, serbestlesen kiz evlatlar, kanatlarini yeni bulan buyuk ve zarif kuslar gibi evlerinden ayriliyor, ucar gibi kendi isteklerini, kendi ruyalarini kovaliyorlar. Ne var ki, anneler

bu ucusu zor da bulsalar, cok iyi anliyabiliyorlar. Cunku, sadece bir nesil once, kendileri de annelerinden uzaga ucmuslar, kendi isteklerini, kendi hayallerini kovalamislar. Sev er siirini, dun bizler siz idik, yarin sizler biz olacaksiniz diye bitiriyor.

ADIM ADIM ARADIM (STEP-BY-STEP SEARCH) Hic bir sey eskisi gibi degil, degismis Istanbul bile baska sekilde gelismis. Gezdim o asirlik sehirde, adim adim Ne yazik ki aradigimi bulamadim. Gozlerim sokaklarda neyi ariyordu? Sanki kucuk kizla anneyi soruyordu. Yillardir onlari kimse gormemisti Annenin kemikleri bile kalmamisti. Bir an gozum vitrindeki aynaya ilisti, Kucuk kizin saclarina aklar girmisti. Yillarla degisen sadece sehir degilmis, Saclar da degismis, butun hatlar da degismis. Belki ruhum o kucuk masum kizi ariyor Bulup da bu hayati tekrar yasarim diyor. Ne yapalim ki, omur carklari geri donmez Izin yok, istikbal bizlere asla gorunmez. Gormek bir mumkun olsa bambaska yasariz Bir cok adimi atmaz, baska yola sapariz. Yaradan im, sen bizlere dogru yolu goster Saglik, afiyet ve hayirli dostlar ver. Aynur Ilkay 29 Aralik (December) 1997 This poem reflects a woman s search for her youth and the strong bonds with her mother who has since passed away. In her spet-by-step search of her birth place, Ilkay recognizes that the city she loves has changed, just like she herself has changed. When she looks at a mirror, the mirror no longer reflects a small, care-free child, and there is no way to reverse the time. The question that is raised is: if we could see into the future, would we do things differently than taking the path that has brought us to where we are?

ELVEDA HALUK (GOODBYE HALUK) Hayat guzeldi, cirkindi, Anlamliydi, anlamsizdi Ama, olum gucluydu Aldi gitti mavi gozlu, Guzel cocugu uzaklara. Nerelere, kimse bilmez! O, asil bir prensti Bu dunyalara yakismaz, Romantik bir Don Kisot tu. Coskulu ruhu gemilerde Gezmegi duslerdi. Gunduzleri canlar kurtaran bir doktordu, Geceleri, okuyan bir dusunur. Sevgisini gizli tutar Beklenmedik surprizlerle gosterirdi. Ucarak dans eder, Espri ve coskuyla Resimler yapardi. Arkasinda dinmeyen Gozyaslari birakarak, Kendi degimi ile, Baska bir gezegene uctu, gitti Anlatilmaz sevgilerle. Sara Bilge Caglar 30 Haziran (June) In her goodbye to her brother, Sara Bilge Caglar reminisces about his committed, dignified and joyful ways and her own respect, admiration and sorrow for his loss. Haluk s departure is aliken to a trip to an unknown planet, leaving behind love, yearning and an eternal sorrow.